The most important things are the hardest things to say.

07 April 2009 @ 12:43 pm

I had 4 days off and I did stuff.

Friday I was lazy. I just watched movies and TV until 2:30 PM and did a load of laundry. Then I got showered and dressed and went to a doctor's appointment. I did a little grocery shopping, came home, ate dinner and watched movies until it was time to sleep. The sounds from the very high winds going on outside kept me up most of the night anyway.

Saturday the phone rang early. It was my Aunt who wanted to know if I wanted to go to the public market with her. At first I said no. Then I called her back and told her I'd be there in a half hour. We went to the market and bought veggies, fruits and various meats and seafood. I went home and tidied up the house. My grandmother and Aunt came over for supper later on in the day. We hung out until about 9, then they went home and I cleaned up the kitchen and watched TV.

Sunday Annie and I drove to Liverpool (NY) to go to the nice dog park that they have. Monroe county doesn't have one and it seemed like it would make for a good day trip. Annie and I spent the day romping with other dogs in the fenced in area and walking around the park outside the fence. We got back home around 6:30 PM. Note to self, remember to bring a water bowl and a bottle of water next time because Annie does not like the communal water bowl. I made some supper, watched some TV and passed out because a long day of sunshine and fresh air and happy puppy car travel wore me out.

Monday I slept until 10:30, had a bowl of cereal and then attacked the rest of the towels and sheets that had built up in the laundry while I was sick. I tided up once more, put away the clean laundry that was in the bedroom, made the bed, cleaned out the fridge, cleaned the bathroom, took a shower and watched TV. I tried to watch The Mentalist online starting with the Pilot, but all the sites were really questionable or else played the first 35 minutes and then wanted me to go to a different pay site and sign up for god only knows what sneaky thing. Either way, I guess I'm waiting for the season to come out on DVD. Mike came home from Houston and told me about his weekend. I made him a couple of sandwiches and then I went to bed.

That was my vacation.

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15 January 2009 @ 03:19 pm

Brief Update...

New Years would have been better spent at home.
Husband attempts to dip me along with a Happy New Years Kiss, is informed that he will drop me.
Husband disregards warnings.
NoFunLiz is dropped on her ass, hard.
Happy New Year.

Birthday.
Husband presents flowers, a birthday card and the print out of the Amazon purchase of Doctor Who - Series 4.
NoFunLiz makes a meatloaf and roasted potatoes for supper.
Dessert is carrot cake.
NoFuss, NoFanfare, NoFunLiz turns 34.

Doctors
Specialist A says take pills.
Pills taken.
Mild dizziness, trembly muscles, inability to focus/confusion and a cough ensue.
Specialist B says STOP taking those pills, they are making your blood pressure too low... besides, you don't have what A said you have IMHO.
ooookay?

Fire engine red 1997 Ford Escort LX Sport (CODENAME: IVY) blew her catalytic converter and has reached "not worth the cost of the repairs" .
Car has been sold to a mechanic who will love her for a little while at least.
Cue much wailing and gnashing of teeth as affording a new vehicle at this time is going to require some significant scraping of barrel bottoms and cinching of belts.
Bright Mardi Gras Fun-ball Blue 2009 Toyota Corolla Matrix "S" (CODE NAME TENTATIVELY: SAPPHIRA - potentially HENRY - unconfirmed) has been purchased.
Returned two days later for dealer to correct defects in paint.
New vehicle ready to be picked up on 01/16/2009, 8 AM.

Weather
Cold...
Nope, colder than that.
No, close your eyes, think about the coldest you have ever been.
Remember how long it took to get warm?
Remember how it burned to breathe?
OK.
Double it.
Add asthma.

Tags: 2009, update

Current Mood: cold

cold

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28 December 2008 @ 09:35 pm

(no subject)

( (movie meme) )

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16 December 2008 @ 02:47 pm

Meme: If I were...

(swiped from emberleo)

If I were...

A month: February - abrupt, frequently seems cold but with lots of love to give.

A weekday: Saturday - a day to sleep in, wander through the house, look at things you normally hurry past and have fun late at night without a worry for an early morning the next day.

A time of day: Early morning (around 2 am) quiet and private.

A planet: Jupiter - Large, frequently distant, lots of inner turmoil

a piece furniture: Mentally: Work/tool bench - organized but never what you would call clean, functions well to create art as well as most of life’s necessities. Usually covered in loose screws. Physically: End table - I may not necessarily illuminate the room...and I may be off in a corner, but I'm pretty good at holding the light if you put it on me.

A fruit: Apple - crisp, sometimes sweet, sometimes tart, versatile, likely to make you sick if you try to rush me.

A sin: Greed - I want money...I'll share it...but you've gotta give it to me first.

A liquid: Draino - I'm good at cutting through the gunk, but don't try to hold on to me too long...I get caustic.

A tree: Willow - I am most inspired to grow (mentally, artistically) when I'm near water. I have strong roots and an unruly mop of long hair.

A flower: Poppy - I am cute though not beautiful, I can provide you with a relaxing, stress free friendship or brief pleasure. Too much of me is certain death.

A type of weather: Night snowfall - mostly silent, muffled

An animal: Owl - solitary, nocturnal, predatory, far-sighted, camouflaged. Associated with wisdom but frequently not very bright.

A color: Gray - soft, comfortable, blendable, mutable...but a stronger accent when needed.

An herb: Peppermint - cooling, soothing or bracing, energizing, excellent with chocolate.

A voice: mezzo soprano - mellow, less potential for being shrill but still piercing and expressive.

A chemical element: Mercury - always trying to get away

.
A car: Sporty hatchback/wagon. - Useful, reliable, responsible...secretly dreaming of being an Audi R8

A food: Coffee - you love me or loathe me...nobody "kinda" likes coffee.

A drink made of alcohol: Red Wine - dry, heavy, expensive taste, humble beginning.

A place on earth: Desert - a place of extremes and potential hidden riches...blistering hot AND freezing cold, generally inhospitable...except to the most tenacious of creatures and determined of souls.

A number: 6 - a quest for harmony, balance, sincerity, love, and truth

A date: January 3rd - it is I and I am it.

Shoes: sneakers - comfortable and ready to move.

A saying: "I have walked through many lives, some of them my own, and I am not who I was, though some principle of being abides, from which I struggle not to stray." - Stanley Kunitz

a song: Barber's Adagio for Strings, Op. 11 sung as the Agnus Dei by an all male choir - A broad spectrum of tones repeatedly building up to something magnificent and always falling just short, save once, followed by a contented observation of peace.

A movie: The Neverending Story - I live in my dreams and in dream worlds far too much, always waiting for my chance to fly on a luck dragon.

A character from a book: Eowyn - When asked “What do you fear my lady?” her answer was "A cage. To stay behind bars until use and old age accept them and all chance of valor has gone beyond recall or desire."

A mythological creature: Sphinx - I guard that which I love most and the thoughts that are dearest to me. Unfortunately while this makes me a good friend, lover and family member, this makes me unknowable as my purpose is not to be known.

A character from a comic/manga: I don't read either...so I don't have an answer for this one.

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12 December 2008 @ 11:31 am

So This Is Christmas...

Interesting how a song from 37 years ago can still apply so well to the sentiments of today.

One of the many bits of wisdom that my grandmother has passed on to me comes to mind.

It's 2008, she is 87 years old and to this day, she hates the sight of the mail man. It's nothing personal against the lovely workers of the United States Postal Service. It's just that she remembers the draft notices coming in the mail, first for her husband and brother during WWII, then later for her son and son-in-law for Vietnam. If the draft had remained in effect, her grandson would have been drafted just in time for Desert Storm, her grand son-in-law for the current wars going on in Iraq and Afghanistan. Though the poor postman or postwoman is only the middleman, they were the face she could attach to the letter and the government who was trying to take away her family. She wants to know why the United States needs to participate in a war every 20 years. She has asked if the governments of the world agree to cull the herd once per generation? She's not stupid. She understands that there is money to be made. She just doesn't understand how people can still sit there and try to balance out profit margins with the number of dead and injured people. Hours after the attacks on 9/11/01 she said to me "There will be a war now." She said this with a mournful certainty that I will never forget. She is right, every 20-25 years...a war for each generation.

In speaking with her now, she understands that the war we're in isn't something we can just cut off and end. There is no V Day celebration with confetti and tickertape and handsome sailors kissing pretty nurses. She hopes though, that with the new people taking the reigns in 2009, that we can get ourselves out of the mess. She made another comment though, the other day on the phone, that struck me. She said that at least all of those men and women in the military have jobs right now. What waits for them when they come home? I don't know. My grandmother asks good questions.

I wanted to thank all of you who sent your get well wishes and mojo. My grandmother is doing well. She went out yesterday for the first time since her hospital stay. She wanted a burger. *grin* As some of you on my friends list have met her and the rest have read about her at some point on either LJ or Brunchma, while I was decorating her Christmas tree I mentioned to her that she even had crazy internet people wishing her well. That made her smile (and ask how some of you that she recalls are doing...JohnnyC, Bookwyrm and "that gorgeous little one"). She said to say thank you. We were listening to a CD I had made her ages ago of different artists and songs that are all pretty much sung in Italian. I think it makes her feel better to hear her first language sometimes, now that everyone who could speak with her fluently is gone.

She has the highest of hopes for your futures, wishes all of you a merry Christmas and likes a part in the song The Prayer (though she's not incredibly fond of Celine Dion)...and I told her I would post it. I'm sure many of you have heard it before.

Sogniamo un mondo senza piu violenza,
un mondo di giustizia e di speranza.
Ognuno dia una mano al suo vicino,
simbolo di pace...di fraternita.

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07 December 2008 @ 10:31 pm

Death to Dust Bunnies!!

I woke early this morning to a howling wind, blowing snow, branches scraping on the roof and a goofy dog who wanted to be out in it. The first time (around 6:30 am) I let her out, closed the door to the den to conserve heat in the rest of the house, let the dog back in and snuggled back in under the covers. A few hours later, she wanted to go out again which earned a sleeping husband an elbow jab and a murmured "your turn".

Later on, after being lazy with coffee and bagels, I started in on cleaning as we are getting ready to decorate for Christmas and I would rather not decorate over dust. So I did the dishes, started a huge pot of turkey soup and a load of laundry. Then I set to work on putting away all of the clean laundry that had been sitting in the bedroom in a basket for quite some time. While I dusted and polished the furniture, Mike vacuumed for me and moved the theater system around a bit to accommodate for our Christmas tree. He set up the tree, made sure it was balanced in it's tree-stand and made sure all the lights were working. I love our pre-lit tree. We'll get to fluffing the branches out and hanging the decorations during the week, though it already looks pretty without any ornaments on it even if it's still kind of squished from being in the box. So far the pets have been well behaved with the tree. They have been good every year so I'm not surprised. The only time they got into mischief was mostly my fault. A few years ago I hung a bell decoration near the bottom that the cat liked to poke at and ring, until she knocked it off the tree and then Annie chewed on it a little. I'm smarter now.

Saturday night I went to visit my grandmother and brought a little 3' Christmas tree and a bag full of lights and decorations. I figured it might cheer her up. Physically she is improving. Emotionally is another story. She's alternately angry that this happened to her and really depressed. My aunt called today and said the overnight was rough for my grandmother and this morning she was very upset, saying things like she wishes she had died rather than have to deal with all of these doctors appointments and medications and Medicare and the visiting nurse. So I called her and gabbed her ear off for a good hour. I talk about stuff to look forward to doing in the coming year in the hopes that she looks forward to it too. I'm also thinking of making her a CD full of Christmas music because the oldies (think 1930-1950) radio station that she used to listen to changed it's format to more recent "oldies" (1950-1970) and she misses the music. She's got a bunch of CDs that we've bought her but I think she gets tired of listening to one artist, in the same sequence over and over again. Hopefully we have enough in our collection from the artists that she likes (Judy Garland, Bing Crosby, Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin...etc) to make a decent length CD or two. I hope it helps her through what she's feeling right now. Even though I'm no stranger to depression, I still have no idea how to help someone else experiencing it.

My soup came out really well, but I have a fuckton left over so I froze a good portion of it and packed up some for both of our lunches tomorrow. The temperatures outside are approaching the "lose the will to live along with the end of your nose in less than two minutes" range and lake squalls are scheduled for the overnight. I don't think it will be too bad. Just windy and colder than a witches tit. I'm thinking tomorrow is going to be a wool sweater day. The forecast has the high temps listed for the upcoming work week as 25, 42, 50, 25 and 28. I'm hoping that 50 is a typo because this kind of shit is what always ends up hitting my sinuses and making me miserable. On the bright side, I already have the soup.

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04 December 2008 @ 07:44 pm

A Meme to get me back in the groove

1.] grab the nearest book.
2.] open the book to page 23.
3.] find the fifth sentence.
4.] post the text of the next three sentences on your blog along with these instructions.
5.] don't you dare dig for that "cool" or "intellectual" book in your closet! i know you were thinking about it! just pick up whatever is closest.

Let's see if you can figure out which one it is.

(I actually had my husband go and grab me a random book so I didn't even choose it)

"Why do you laugh so?", he says gently, and then he commences himself, with that whimpering, hysterical note in his voice like a helpless wretch who realizes suddenly that no matter how many how many frock coats he puts on he will never make a man. He wants to run away, to take a new name. "She can have everything, that cow, if only she leaves me alone", he whines.

Edited because I didn't give you all the ( answer. )

Tags: meme

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30 November 2008 @ 09:42 pm

...for which I am the most thankful.

This past Friday could have been the very worst day of my life.

Some back story for those of you who don't already know. When I was 9 months old, my mother died from breast cancer. My father being the product of his generation had no idea what to do with a baby on his own. He wisely handed me over to his parents with no muss and no fuss as my mother had been in foster care until she was 16 and had no biological ties to contest this decision. My grandparents were in their 50s at the time. They both said that being given another chance to be parents again when they weren't broke and terrified was the best thing that could have happened to them. They always made me feel loved and wanted and treasured. They didn't have a lot of money but they made my young life pretty amazing.

When I was 12, my grandfather had a heart attack and died while serving jury duty. Everything in my life felt like it had been smashed and it was my grandmother and I against the world from then on. She had been a housewife and mother for 42 years and wasn't very confident in banking and budgeting and bill paying as my grandfather had taken care of everything, so we both learned together. Like a normal teenage girl, I gave her some serious agita with boys and grades and coming home late and what not...but thankfully that all passed.

When I went to college, I stayed local and lived at home both to save money and to stay with her as by this time she was in her early seventies and while spry and still driving her great big boat of an Oldsmobile, I didn't want her to be alone. After college, I continued to live at home. As an adult, she became so much more than my replacement mom. She became my best friend who I would sit down with after work and we would talk about everything from politics to relationships, from books and movies and the history that she and her family have lived through.

When I married my husband, we bought my grandmother's house that I have always lived in, to take the financial burden and responsibility from her but she still lived with us which continued to bring me so much joy. A few years ago, she made the decision to move in with her daughter, my aunt, because my uncle was retiring and would be at home all day to help her if she needed help and while she wasn't in poor health, she did have frequent enough doctors appointments that she felt was difficult on my husband and I who work 40+ hours per week. I fought her every step, but her mind was made up. I have missed her being with me every day for the last 2 years even though she's only about 5 miles away at my aunts house and I visit her as often as possible. The minute she wants to come back with me I will be at her doorstep to move her back home.

This Friday morning, at 3:58 AM the phone rang. By the time I found the cordless phone, the machine had picked up the call. The caller didn't leave a message. It took me about 4 minutes to remember what the phone feature to get caller ID was and in dialing it back, I received my Aunt's phone number. I called...and called and nobody would answer. I told Mike, my husband, that I was going over there because I was sure something was wrong. They weren't answering the house phone and I had called and left 3 messages at their house already in the last 5 minutes and my aunt's cell phone was going straight to voicemail. Mike got up out of bed and drove me there. When we got there, nobody was home and one of the cars was missing from the driveway. Barely able to breathe, I called 411 on my cell phone and had them connect me to Park Ridge Hospital Emergency Center as that is the closest hospital. When the woman picked up I gave her my name, my grandmother's name and age and asked if she was there. When the woman said that she was, that they had just brought her in, I felt the worst emotional pain in my life so far. I was grateful that Mike was driving because I was crying far too hard to be able to drive.

Ten minutes later, at 4:17 AM, Mike pulled into the Emergency Center loop and I ran from the car to find my aunt and uncle in the waiting room. They said my grandmother had woken in the night with chest pain and pain in her head. They had called her doctor and the doctor on call instructed them to take her to the emergency. All my aunt knew is that they were working on her and running tests. Twenty minutes later, they allowed my aunt back to be with her. Ten minutes after that, my aunt came out to get me. When I walked back to the room, to find this tiny old woman in an enormous hospital bed looking back at me, hooked up to every possible machine I couldn't help but cry. Tears of gratitude that I still had time. That she wasn't gone from me. I didn't want to upset her so I held as much as I could in, but I cannot express how relieved and thankful I was and continue to be.

The doctors advised us that she had had a heart attack and she needed an angiogram. They found the blockage and put in a stent. All of these things pose a risk to your average every day person. In a tiny 87 year old woman, the risks are much more, still she pulled through for us and has been being babied by all the nurses, doctors and aids in the cardiac unit who think she is the nicest and cutest thing on the planet. Her whole family has been with her the past two and a half days, only going home in shifts to sleep, shower and maybe grab a meal. We are hoping that if her blood tests are good, that they will let her go home tomorrow because that it all she wants right now. She has had a few irregular heartbeats so they have been keeping her.

What could have possibly been the very worst day of my life, wasn't. Even though Thanksgiving was over when the nightmare began, I am so thankful this weekend to know that I have been given even just a little more time with her. She is the center of my family and our greatest treasure. She is the only mother I have ever known and my best friend. She is alive and with proper medical care, medications and diet she will continue to be with us for as long as she can.

As for the state of the Liz, I am physically tired, emotionally near catatonic and I look at least 10 years older than I did this time last week. My body hates me because I've mostly eaten like shit in the last few days living mostly on caffeine and sugar to keep going. I will recover. Work is going to be tough this week because my mind will be on her. I have a husband who has supported me and done anything I've asked this weekend to allow me to devote all of my time to my grandmother and though I always knew it, I am just reminded how lucky I am to have him as my partner in this life. Thank you Mike, my dearest love.

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24 November 2008 @ 12:47 pm

Monday Music Magic

Bob Marley & The Wailers - Gold (Island Records 2005)

(Wiki has a good summary of this album so I'm going to use it) Gold is a two-disc compilation album by Bob Marley and the Wailers that was released on the Island Records label in 2005 . The compilation is intended to be a career-spanning retrospective, and no fewer than two songs are selected from each of Bob Marley and the Wailers' albums with the company. Songs range from his first album for the label, Catch a Fire, and span all the way through to the last album Marley would live to see released in his lifetime, Uprising, concluding with the posthumous releases "Iron Lion Zion," and tracks from Confrontation.

On a personal note, some time in the spring of 1991 I received my drivers license. During the following summer, I drove an impossibly large 1983 Oldsmobile Delta 88 (think two steel I-beams on wheels) all over Monroe County, New York with one of five cassettes that I owned playing at all times and it was Bob Marley's "Legend" compilation album that streamed from my windows more often than any other. Bob Marley's music will always bring to mind that summer sun and the freedom of an open road and the laid back "anywhere I want to go (as long as I'm home by midnight)" mentality that still holds so much power in my thoughts as an adult. When people start talking about making the soundtrack for their lives, the music on the Gold and the Legend albums would be THE summer of '91.

Bon Jovi - Have a Nice Day (Island/Mercury Records 2005)

Ok, so I didn't pick Slippery When Wet which was quite possibly the last actual vinyl record I purchased before everything seemingly switched over to cassette. I chose Have a Nice Day because I think this album had some of the best songs they had written in some time. The singles they released just say so much about the midway point that most people reach where they have to decide if they're going to be that person they always were or if they're going to cut a lot of it loose and take the next bunch of time without all the baggage and perspectives that have ruled for so long. Songs like Have a Nice Day and Welcome to Wherever You Are and Who Says You Can't Go Home...maybe to some they seem like easing into middle age but there's a lot to be said for being able to grow up and appreciate the world with new older eyes. There's a still the disconnect of being unable to ever understand what life is like for someone who spent the greater part of their young adult years traveling the world and interacting with stadiums full of people. Even so...it's difficult to explain why this album is any better than their other releases except to say it's a fitting way for a rock band to mature.

Brandi Carlile - The Story (Columbia Records 2007)

Brandi Carlile is a relatively new addition to my iPod and music collection. A few weeks ago I was sitting at my desk in an empty office on a Saturday morning. I had left my iPod at home and so plugged my earbuds into my work PC and went to Pandora.com. As for the musical genre I plugged in for it to search for...I just put in "Indigo Girls" figuring I would probably enjoy the selection of music it came back at me with. It came back at me with some choice, choice music from people all over the world who I had never heard of but are making some seriously great music. Brandi Carlile is very bare bones and I think just starting out in her songwriting. Research has indicated that this whole album was recorded in 11 days and in a way to retain the "Live-Raw" sound that Brandi was starting to be known for I like this album better than her first self titled one. She's had some minor success with the singles "Turpentine" and "The Story". The Indigo Girls are featured with her on the album in a song called Cannonball. I'm going to be keeping track of Brandi Carlile.

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18 November 2008 @ 10:16 am

NOT A MEME

I'm amused at the meme fever on my friends list. I have to admitt that the Nosey-Parker segment of my personality is happy to know all of this new trivia. It seems that with the recent snowfall here in the Northeast (and upper midwest I believe) and the corporations chomping at the bit, we will just blow by Thanksgiving and freefall into the Christmas season and I'm in list making mode. Grocery lists, Christmas card lists, Holiday shopping idea lists, household to do lists...it's knee-jerk to to list memes.

I said Christmas season didn't I. Was it always a season? I hate the frequency that I'm saying "Back when I was a kid" but back when I was a kid it didn't seem to be a whole season. There was a tree to put up and letter to Santa a couple of weeks before, the Santa's beard/cottonball calendar to be made at school and then suddenly it was Christmas morning. I opened a few gifts, watched other people open theirs, had an awesome meal with family, played with my toys some more and then went to bed. The tree was usually down within the week. Ah well, as long as the push of red and green and overlit chaos doesn't enter my home for another couple of weeks at least, I can deal with it. I'm not out in public enough for it to affect me. Not in the way that it hits the poor retail employees at the mall. They have my deepest sympathy every single year.

So, cheers...enjoy the memes, 'tis the season?